Once again I begin with the premise that: Healthy Boundaries equal Healthy Relationships. If you have not already, please read part 1 of this blog by clicking here. We will now discuss why healthy boundaries are essential for successful relationships. Here are examples of each kind of boundary, Rigid, Porous and Healthy.
Firstly, someone with a Rigid Boundary avoids intimacy and close relationships. They are unlikely to ask for help. They can identify few close relationships and are very protective of personal information. So, they often keep others at a distance.
Porous or Diffuse boundary
Secondly, a person with a Porous or Diffuse Boundary may over share. They have difficulty saying “no” to another person’s requests. Moreover, they often become over involved with other people’s problems. Their self image is dependent upon others. They are marked by a high level of abuse or disrespect tolerance. This irrational thinking is underscored by an ever present fear of rejection.
Now consider this: These are the hallmarks of someone with Healthy Boundaries. They value their own opinion and unique perspective. They seldom, if ever, compromise their values for others. This person seems well balanced in what they decide to share with others. They know what their personal needs are and they know how to communicate them to others. He or she can accept when another person tells them “no” because of the other person’s boundary.
When you decide to change your old pattern of boundaries with your friends, lovers and acquaintances, there is likely to be resistance. The task for you is, if you believe the premise that Healthy Boundaries Equal Healthy Relationships, is to insist upon the new, Healthy Boundaries, in the service of caring for yourself.
I posited in part 1 of this blog that a strong sense of boundaries with other people contributes mightily to who you are. This also reduces the gap between what you want others to think that you are and what you really are. As that occurs, your sense of self and unique identity are firmly established.
Written by Edward L. Oriole L.C.P.C. C.A.D.C. N.C.C.
Staff therapist at The Lighthouse Emotional Wellness Center
3205 N. Wilke Rd suite 112. Arlington Heights Il 60004
tel 847 253 9769 or edward@lighthouseemotionalwellness,com or firstname.lastname@example.org