Change is hard, let me just be honest. Change takes time, energy, devotion, and a lot of compassion towards yourself. As a therapist a common denominator that I see in a person being hindered from their change is having all or nothing thinking, black or white, right or wrong mentality.
Life is filled with moments that are gray, and not absolute. Almost everybody I have met struggles with some sort of black and white thinking that negatively impacts their ability to achieve their goals. As a therapist, a big part of my job is to help guide people towards a better and more fulfilling life. This means that making goals and working to achieve them is really important. I have come to realize that when we think in all or nothing, black or white ways, we have a tendency to not make sustainable change. The reasons I find this to be true is that as humans we make the mistake that when we “fail” or mess up one day we throw away the hard work we did, and feel defeated. This shame keeps us stuck in the muck of failure.
Written by: Bethany Juran, LPC