Think about a time you were going to go out and hangout with friends. You are getting ready, getting dressed, throw some make up on, and so on, but as you are doing this, you just are feeling “meh” at the moment. You had a long week at work, maybe had a rough day, and you just don’t want to be around people in the moment. Now you are faced with the dilemma of going with your friends, but not feeling the mood to do so or calling off, taking care of yourself, but last minute having to bail out on your friends. What do you do in this situation? Easy! You make the choice that is good for you… not good for other people.
Something that I preach to my client is that you have your own personal rights to self-compassion, self-care, and self-worth. You have the right to change your mind last minute if things are not feeling your way, you have the right you take your time to gather yourself, you have the right to say no to things that you are not ready for, you have the right to your own selfcare. Being around people can be mentally and physically exhausting. Putting yourself in constant stress is harmful to your mental health and could lead to burnout! Taking the time to back away from the world and focusing on yourself is nothing to be ashamed about.
There is a fine line between using selfishness for your self-care and using selfishness in an evil setting. I am not telling you to always bail out on your friends and not make up for it for another time or to seek help from people and never offer help back. Too much selfishness can be toxic and can hurt you socially but finding that healthy balance between your own personal care and the care of others can be crucial.
So, go ahead…
Take that sick day from work to relax.
Back out from the friend meet up so you can be alone in peace and quit.
Say that you’re busy with something, when really you are binge watching every episode of your favorite show or trying to play your favorite videogame.
But remember to take your time for selfcare so that you can when you are ready, you can be available for others around you.
Written by: Arbin Memshi
With Contribution From: Andrea Serrano