“What Men & Women Really Want for Valentine’s Day” -By Dr. Ray and Rev. Jean Kadkhodaian

What Men & Women Really Want for Valentine’s Day
By Dr. Ray and Rev. Jean Kadkhodaian

What She Wants…

Little girls dream or romantic gifts and wedding days, and their first real taste of this is Valentine’s Day. Gaudy cards inscribed with the finest 8th grade poetry and priceless costume jewelry has melted the hearts of more than one 12 year old girl. What do pre-adolescents know that grownups forget? It is not the gift that matters, but what the gift symbolizes that makes all the difference in the world.

Happy Couple


A boy takes a lot of time and creativity to overcome the challenge of turning his meager allowance into an expression of “true love”. He may feel that he falls short of his mark when he discovers that he cannot afford the “finest”, but it is the energy and time he expends in finding a way to make his girl feel special that shouts out, “I love you”. This transforms the gift into a cherished possession in her heart and memory for years to come.

That is what women want for Valentine’s Day! They want to have an overwhelmingly wonderful feeling of knowing that their man has a special place in his heart reserved just for them.

“I would like to spend the day with just him, no kids, touring Old Victorian Homes.”
– 39 year old Retail Consultant and mother of 4

“I would like to come home to find the kitchen furniture removed
so we could dim the lights and slow dance.”
– 62 year old Mary Kay Consultant and mother of 9

“I would like him to give me a coupon book for him to do chores around the house
– not that he doesn’t do his share, but just so that when I have a hard day,
I can use it and really feel his support.”
– 33 year old Marriage & Family Therapist and mother of 1

“I would like to let down my guard and let the little girl in me, play with the little boy in him.”
– 35 year old Mentoring Supervisor and mother of 2

“I would love for him to cook me dinner.”
– 45 year old Stay-at-home mother of 4

What He Wants…
When men give gifts, such as that on Valentine’s Day, the intention is always innocent – to show his spouse how much he truly appreciates and cares for her. Too often than not, men try to tie this message in with the gift they purchase and ultimately look for validation from their wives. However, there is no gift in this world that can effectively express a person’s feelings for another, nor is seeking validation within a marriage a “good” thing. In order to get a great picture of this, one only has to think of the little boy who secretly puts an apple on his teacher’s desk. He desperately seeks to let her know how he feels about her, however cannot find the right words, thus in the end the apple says it all!

Sometimes it is hard to believe but men are, in fact, seeking the exact same thing that women are – love and intimacy. There is no argument that men and women go about it in very different ways, however emotional vulnerability seems to be more difficult for men to verbally express. Thus men truly seek this for Valentine’s Day – the ability to be emotionally vulnerable with their spouse, to express their love for their wives and be accepted for who they truly are by the one they care about the most.

“All I would want is a hug from her.”
– 35 year old Transportation Coordinator and father of 2

“I would enjoy a romantic outing with her, maybe walking on the beach.”
– 29 year old Design Engineer and father of 1

“All I need is a kiss.”
– 27 year old Staff Scientist and engaged

“I would want to go out together and do something we’ve wanted to do
but never got around to.”
– 30 year old Professional Educator and father of 1

“A night of passion and romance.”
– 38 year old Senior Tax Accountant and father of 1